


Glory

by SeraphStarshine



Category: The 1975 (Band)
Genre: Bandom - Freeform, Based on Glory by Bastille, M/M, Song Lyrics, basically just a series of little flashbacks, brief mentions of drug use and suicidal thoughts, matty loves george a lot, this is pretty fluffy and cheesy ngl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-20
Updated: 2016-09-20
Packaged: 2018-08-16 07:12:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8092534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeraphStarshine/pseuds/SeraphStarshine
Summary: At the center of everything, there was always George.
Based on the song Glory by Bastille





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [penceyprat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/penceyprat/gifts).



> For Kier - happy birthday buddy love you loads xxx

**_Deep in a corner of the night_ **  
**_We were lying in the middle of the road_ **

Matty inhaled heavily, drawing the air tainted with off brand freshener and the odd smell that all hotel rooms seemed to carry no matter what city they were located in through his nose and into his lungs, the simple act of breathing seeming to hold a weight that it so rarely carried in the silence and the quiet that was also an anomaly in his life.

The newly captured oxygen left his body in a quiet rush that still sounded loud to his ears, but it was a good noise, it was proof that he was alive, that he was functioning, that he was human and he needed to perform these mundane acts just like everyone else.

It was calming to think of such simple things for a moment without juggling what interview he had to be at next or when he had to wake up, which were topics that should have been prevalent in his mind especially now in the center of another tour, but for tonight, just for a few hours, Matty wanted to spend his time reminiscing and doing nothing, his other obligations could wait until the morning.

 **_Counting the planes as they flew by_ **  
**_Inconceivable imagining them go_ **

Matty was in a bit of an odd mood at the moment - not in a _bad_ state per say, he'd been through enough of those to know the difference. He was mostly just a bit overwhelmed, but that was fine as well. It was hard not to be when every moment brought another new idea, a new concept, a new face, new names, new countries, nothing stayed the same, which was good.

Stagnating didn't sit well with Matty, but he occasionally longed for a pause so he could be given a chance to comprehend all of the wonderful things that were in constant motion around him, the most important of those which just so happened to be sleeping soundly next to him in the form of his best friend who was so much more than that.

At the center of everything, there was always George, and that fact alone had a secret smile tugging at Matty's lips, the expression radiating throughout his entire being like an injection of joy had been shot into his veins, leaving Matty warm and thrumming with adoration for the slumbering man who was turned in Matty's direction, one of his arms outstretched near Matty's crossed thighs as if he was being pulled toward him even in his unconscious state.

 **_And drunk we set the world to rights_ **  
**_As we fell and hit our heads upon the curb_ **

Matty found his gaze lingering on George's parted lips, allowing his brain to recall the first time he had ever kissed them - _fuck_ , that had been ages ago, almost ten years to the day if he remembered correctly, but the memory burned brightly across his brain as if it were only minutes ago that the unexpected encounter had occurred, the simple action signifying so much more than Matty could have ever imagined, lighting the way forward that had been in front of them the entire time but they'd both been too blind to see it.

They'd been drunk of course, when weren't they at that age, but for Matty at least, he'd been at that stage of inebriation during which his tongue flowed freely but his mind was still clear, giving him a boost of liquid courage that allowed him to speak freely the words he buried inside himself at all other times.

They'd gone to a party together, at least they were _supposed_ to until George had told Matty that he was bringing some bird that he'd met recently, leaving Matty fuming when he was forced to arrive alone since George was going to be late given the fact that he had to pick her up first and she lived a bit out of the way.

Matty had done his best to pretend that he wasn't jealous once he finally spied George with the girl whose name he couldn't put his finger on when they walked in, not that he'd been lurking near the entryway, because he _wasn't_ \- he wasn't jealous either actually, except that he was, and not so much because George had found a proper date, but of the attention the brunette was receiving that Matty was so accustomed to being the recipient of.

And if Matty was being perfectly honest with himself, he _might_ have some feelings for George that blurred the platonic lines they had been dancing around for so long, but George was his best friend, his bandmate, and even if Matty would like to add boyfriend to the list of labels that George had accumulated for himself, George didn't seem overly interested in men, and Matty wasn't sure how much more he could flirt with George before he got the hint that Matty was smitten with him.

 **_You make me laugh until I die_ **  
**_Can you think of any better way to choke?_ **

Matty had eventually given up on his pointless stalking of George, not really wanting to witness him snogging his date which George was obviously attempting to do although she appeared to be dodging all of his valiant efforts, which shouldn't have released a rush of smug pride in Matty's chest, but it _did_ , no matter how awful of a friend that made him for glorifying in George's failure at getting a girlfriend.

Matty distracted himself by listening to Ross prattle on about something while sipping on a drink which quickly turned into two, and then three, and at some point he lost count of how much alcohol he had in his system, but Matty didn't really care. The fuzziness in his head helped him to avoid thinking of George and what he might be getting up to - or _into_ at this exact moment, so Matty didn't bother with slowing down despite the looming fact that he did have work in the morning.

Matty had almost reached the point of managing to forget about George's presence entirely, well, he'd at least shoved all thoughts of his friend into the far reaches of his mind for the time being when George himself appeared, his broad shoulders slouched and his lips downturned into a grimace that didn't fit his usually cheerful countenance.

Matty had to bite back a gleeful chuckle when George's date remained absent, because that had to mean that George had grown bored of her, or he'd been shot down, and Matty was done pretending to be a decent person who only wanted George to be happy, even though he _did_ , but now he had him all to himself again, and the uncomfortable teetering sensation that had been bothering Matty all evening had blessedly disappeared now that George was in his line of sight.

And despite the fact that Matty was a bit upset with George for ditching him in the first place, he couldn't help but follow the internal tugging that drew him away from Ross's side without so much as voicing an excuse for his sudden withdrawal, his feet automatically chasing after George as he grabbed a drink and slunk off into a mostly empty corner, his long legs folding over themselves as he settled into a nearby armchair seconds before Matty caught up to him.

 **_Stories told to me and stories told to you_ **  
**_And did you ever feel like they were ringing true?_ **

"Hey," George smiled weakly when Matty perched himself on the stiff arm of George's seat, his expression visibly lifting which helped soothe some of Matty's hurt feelings that he wasn't entirely sure if George was even aware that he had induced.

"Where's your date?" Matty asked without returning George's greeting, his eyes scanning the crowd for the brunette whose name he still couldn't recall just to make sure she was truly gone.

Matty found himself fighting against another rush of jealousy that he was getting progressively worse at hiding when George's face fell slightly, but his efforts to tamper down the unruly emotion proved useless as it continued to stubbornly flare up inside of him.

"She met up with some friends from school, pretty sure she only used me for the ride to be honest," George sighed heavily, taking a long sip from his beer once he was finished speaking, making Matty wish he hadn't polished off his last drink so he could occupy himself with something as well besides the persistent aching sensation in his chest that he couldn't quite decipher the cause of, but he was almost entirely certain that it had something to do with George.

Whatever it was, it was making Matty reckless, or perhaps that was all the alcohol he had consumed, or maybe a combination of both, but whatever the case was, Matty was no longer entirely in control of his actions, and before he even realized what he was doing, he had slid down into George's lap despite still being a bit miffed with him, almost spilling beer all over the two of them in the process, but George managed to save his drink from Matty's sudden movement with some quick maneuvering on his part.

"I wish I was a girl," Matty mumbled quietly, his mouth feeling numb and his chest constricting tightly when George wrapped an arm around his waist in an effort to stabilize Matty's precarious perch.

"Really?" George scoffed, sending Matty an incredulous look that had Matty instantly on the defensive, "like properly, or are you just being facetious again?"

"Well..." Matty stumbled over his words, his cheeks flushing hotly when George fixed his full attention upon him as if whatever he had to say was important, and maybe it was in a manner of speaking, even if it wasn't what George was most likely expecting, "not _physically_ no, but I'd like pretty boys to go out of their way to pick me up for parties, and to follow me around all night, and to want to kiss me so badly they end up moping instead of having fun when it becomes obvious that I'm not all that interested."

 **_And all their words for glory_ **  
**_Well they always sounded empty_ **

Matty cringed both internally and externally when his statement reached his own ears, because _fuck_ \- that had not been subtle _at all_ , even if he had been anything but discreet regarding his crush on George in the past. He had never allowed himself to become so exposed before though, he was still partially in denial himself honestly, and even now, inebriated and flustered, Matty realized that he might have taken things a step too far.

"Matty." George's utterance of his name left Matty confused and hopeful all at once, because it wasn't an answer to his not so vague admittance of his feelings, but it wasn't straight out denial either.

"You can pretend you didn't understand me if you want, that's fine," Matty babbled quickly when George said nothing else. "I mean - I think you did, it's not really a secret that I like you, have for a while you know, but if you're not into blokes, then we can just forget it entirely, I guess I just want to know now so I can start trying to move on."

Matty began steeling himself to get up, to leave behind his aspirations of having something more with George when he remained frozen for what seemed to be years in Matty's mind, although it was probably thirty seconds at most, but when he shifted slightly, rolling his weight forward in preparation for his retreat, George's hand latched around his wrist, the light pressure pausing his movements instantaneously, his head tilting upward to meet George's dark eyes.

"Matty," George repeated again, his pupils practically glittering as they bore into Matty like they could through the fragile shield composed of humor and flippant words that Matty constantly kept wrapped around himself, as if they were ripping away his skin and exposing everything he buried inside of him with the power of his gaze.

Matty still didn't understand what George meant, and he wanted to ask for clarification, was going to actually, but everything became clear to him when George's hand that wasn't still gripping his arm moved up to cup his face, his skin cold and slightly damp from the beer he had been holding that Matty could only assume that George had set down at some point, but he quickly forget about George's drink when he dragged their mouths together suddenly, his lips enveloping Matty's so quickly that Matty wasn't sure if this was truly happening or not.

 **_When we're looking up for heaven_ **  
**_Looking up for heaven_ **

Matty hadn't really thought through what would happen after his confession, but he hadn't been expecting _this_. George was always an intangible dream in his mind, or at least he had been once Matty had discovered that he liked blokes as well as girls.

George represented so many things to Matty; he was comfortable, he was stable, he was the sun breaking through the clouds that constantly swirled about Matty's head leaving him in a perpetual state of confusion, making him feel lost and unsure about almost everything that didn't involve George.

But Matty knew he wanted George, _fuck_ \- he'd do anything to share another moment like this with him, to have George's tongue licking its way into his mouth as his spine went lax and his body molded against George's in a way that seemed preordained, like they were meant to be doing this, as if they had been made to fit with each other in every aspect even the ones they had previously been ignoring.

 **_And way down here upon the ground_ **  
**_When we're lying in the dirt_ **

But of course, with Matty being Matty, he always had to see the other side of things as well, because although this situation seemed borderline perfect, there was a downside, there always was, even when the situation was as fantastic as kissing George.

Because this was impromptu, and impulsive, and Matty didn't know what this meant to George, or even to him if he was being perfectly honest with himself. They were young, and drunk, and this could fall apart tomorrow, or the next day, or a few months from now, leaving their friendship in tatters, not to mention the band, their future, his wellbeing, because Matty was nothing without George, he knew that for sure.

This might lead to monumental changes, to discussions involving what they were to each other, to fights, to George regretting this in the morning or simply writing it off as a drunken snog. There were so many possibilities for how this could end, and only one was what Matty truly wanted, which was for George to be his and no one else's.

 **_There's no looking up for heaven_ **  
**_Looking up for heaven_ **

But when George finally pulled away from Matty's lips so they could both breathe deeply which was a task they had been neglecting in favor of kissing, Matty forgot about his fears, and his predictions, because when George ran his hands gently through Matty's hair while pressing their foreheads together, it banished all of the negative thoughts from his mind, filling him with only adoration and unbridled joy that manifested itself in a quiet giggle.

"Still wish you were a girl now?" George asked smugly, and although Matty wanted to respond with a witty retort, because it wasn't fair of George to tease him that way, not after it was blatantly obvious in hindsight that George has been aware of Matty's affections for quite a while, but he found his mind blank for one of the first times in his life.

"Not if you kiss me again," Matty finally settled on saying, although a part of him wanted to ask George how long he had known, and why he'd make him wait until now to initiate anything between them. Was it because George hadn't been sure of his own feelings, or had he been determined to make Matty say it aloud first, or maybe it was something else entirely, but those were the sort of inquiries that scared Matty.

So Matty stayed silent, not that he was given much of an opportunity to speak since George took his suggestion to heart, kissing him rougher this time, his actions showing that he wanted this just as much as Matty did, and for now, that would be enough. Matty didn't need an explanation or clarification at the moment, or maybe _ever_ , because this was George, and if Matty could trust anyone not to hurt him, it would be him.

 **_Not everything had gone to plan_ **  
**_But we made the best of what we had, you know_ **

Of course things didn't exactly fall into place like Matty had hoped, but they progressed, they took a step toward the people that they were today, because that was what life is, forward motion in a direction that Matty could only hope was the right one. He and George were always doing that honestly, changing and adapting to what their current situation called for although most of it happened unwittingly until Matty looked back like he was doing at the moment.

They hadn't really spoken about the kiss after it had happened, although they had stayed secluded in that armchair for most of the night, only moving once the hour grew late enough that Adam came searching for them to make sure they hadn't fallen asleep or taken a tumble into the pool which were his exact words. They had left together, all thoughts of the girl George had arrived with erased from both of their minds, and Matty found himself wondering now if she had gotten stranded at the party since George had in fact been her ride home.

Years passed by in that fashion, they would kiss occasionally, usually when drunk, which eventually led to more, until they were practically together in everything besides name, although they weren't completely exclusive either, which was _fine_ , not exactly what Matty had been hoping for, but it had taken so much out of him to admit his feelings for George that he didn't have the strength to press things further.

And Matty was still afraid, of what he couldn't quite pinpoint, maybe of labels, of scaring George off, of George changing his mind if it became more serious, of damaging the band which was slowly beginning to gain some attention, but mostly of how deeply he cared for George in general.

 **_Passing the drink from hand to hand_ **  
**_We admit we really know nothing at all_ **

The only thing Matty was sure of was that he loved George - _god_ did he love him. That was one aspect of his mind that hadn't changed even now almost ten years later, and finally, after so many ups and downs, Matty was assured that it never would.

Matty could still vividly recall the first time they had sex, the awkward melding of their bodies that they had been building to for quite some time but always danced around in favor of other things that were easier to brush off the next day as hormones and drunken actions.

It had been George who had initiated it surprisingly enough, George who had started opening Matty up with his fingers instead of simply wrapping a hand around his cock like he usually did, George who asked if Matty wanted this followed quickly by a rapid yes, George who had pushed into Matty so slowly Matty thought he might die from all of the sensations he was feeling.

It had been a first for George with a man, although Matty would never have guessed if he hadn't already known given how fast George managed to make him fall apart, and it was a first for Matty as well, because no matter how many people he had been with, sex had never meant so much to him, it had never been so special to him as horrendously cliché as that sounded, but it was true.

It was another shift for them, an escalation to something more, something that Matty had always wanted with George, and that night when Matty lay in George's arms once they were finished, panting softly as George murmured quietly in his ear some sort of post-coital nonsense about how amazing that had been was still one of Matty's favorite memories even now after so many other wonderful things had happened to him in the sequential years.

But there were occasions when Matty didn't think that would be enough, where Matty was struggling with so much that he wasn't certain if it was worth it to muddle through it all for another moment. Those occurrences still hurt to look back upon, but they highlighted how far Matty had come, how much he had healed with George's help, and that was always good to remember so he would never revert to that stage of his life again.

 **_Stories told to me and stories told to you_ **  
**_And was it feeling real, and were they ringing true?_ **

Things had gotten especially bad for Matty when he turned twenty-one, not for any particular reason that he could recall, no tragedy had happened per say, but he wasn't doing well. He had George were on a bit of a break from each other intimately since they had both found girls they were vaguely interested in which happened occasionally, although they always ended up back in each other's beds eventually, which wasn't hard to do considering the fact that they lived together now.

But something was wrong in Matty's head, off and tilted, leaving him dizzy and sick most of the time, inspiring him to bury whatever was bothering him in alcohol and drugs to an almost excessive amount, which wasn't the right choice of course, but Matty didn't know what else to do.

It helped for a bit, although the best remedy would always be George's lips on his skin and his deep voice filling his ears, but even that wasn't keeping Matty completely sane. He was terrified that he was losing sight of who he was, that his core was shattering under the pressures he put upon himself and the lack of results he was receiving. It might sound silly to anyone that wasn't him, _hell_ \- he couldn't even understand why he was so fragile lately, but that didn't change the fact that he was.

 **_And all their words for glory_ **  
**_Well they always sounded empty_ **

Matty hated himself for his weakness, he despised the fact that he cried himself to sleep more often than not, that he had started locking himself away with a bottle of wine and a bag of white powder if they didn't have a show to play because he couldn't bear to face anyone that wasn't George while making sure to obscure the true extent of his issues from the one person who could probably help him.

And George noticed of course, he'd have to be blind not to even with how hard Matty tried to hide his deteriorating mental state from him, and it was affecting him too, it was messing with the entire band actually, but Matty didn't know how to right himself. He wanted to, he was trying _so fucking hard_ to fix whatever was broken within him, but it wasn't working.

Matty was unstable, _dangerously_ so, maybe he always had been, but now it had reached the point of being properly worrisome. Matty honestly didn't want to continue living this way, but no matter how many songs he wrote, or how much of his emotions he poured onto the page, or how many drugs he took, the sensations didn't go away, and Matty wasn't sure how much longer he was going to be able to survive in this fashion.

 **_When we're looking up for heaven_ **  
**_Looking up for heaven_ **

But things got better, as they always did, because Matty wasn't ready to give up on himself entirely, and neither was George who rarely left Matty's side after he had come home to find him sobbing bitterly after a particularly shitty day, his knees curled up to his chest and his defenses so lowered that he hadn't heard George's arrival until it was too late.

Matty's most current breakdown seemed to scare George more than it did Matty, because to him, it was just another among a hundred he had suffered through recently, but it was the first one that George had personally witnessed.

And although Matty hadn't been able to find a proper remedy for whatever was ailing him on his own, with George there, things began to mend. Each time George would hold him and tell him that it was alright to cry, or get up early so he could be there for Matty no matter how tired he was, every utterance of how he was going to be okay slowly had Matty believing his words, no matter how untrue they seemed at the moment.

And although Matty hated being a burden to George, which he knew he was given the fact that George was constantly hovering over him, Matty had to admit that George's presence was slowly dragging him out of the hole he had dug for himself, and without him there, Matty wasn't sure if he would have made it to the surface alive.

 **_And way down here upon the ground_ **  
**_When we're lying in the dirt_ **

The band had taken off not long after that with such perfect timing that Matty couldn't have planned it better if he had tried. Now he had a purpose, he had a distraction, and he also had _George_ , which was the best of the three by far.

Matty and George continued with whatever their relationship was as The 1975's popularity grew, but it was different now, more intense when so much of their time was spent with only each other for company, and in spite of the occasional fan they would both bed, they gravitated toward each other more often than not, escalating the casual nature of whatever they were doing to something bordering on essential, leaving Matty even more in love with George than he had been previously, although the words were still spoken with a platonic tone whenever they were uttered.

Fame had a price of course, it was exhausting and all-encompassing going from small venues to playing stadiums in what seemed to be the blink of an eye. Matty had made mistakes, they _all_ had, but they were finally doing what they had always dreamed of, and every bump in the road was smoothed over eventually.

 **_There's no looking up for heaven_ **  
**_Looking up for heaven_ **

Matty's biggest regret was lying to George when he began taking cocaine again, because he had been clean since his last stint that had almost destroyed him, but somehow it had wormed its way back into his life, creating another rift between him and George that only Matty was aware of.

Hiding his relapse from George was a grievous error on Matty's part, but he was embarrassed of what he had become, and he didn't want George to think less of him, to be ashamed of him for his wavering convictions, which of course he hadn't when Matty finally admitted everything in a rush of words laced through with guilt and self-loathing during a hotel night in which the burden of his secret became too much to handle, but Matty was still afraid of losing George even after all this time.

And as much as Matty wished he could erase the look of hurt from his memory that George had given him when he finally understood what had been happening behind the veneer Matty had placed in between them, it had made them stronger, the small separation from each other had shown Matty how idiotic he had been to ever consider cutting George out of certain sections of his life, because they didn't work that way. They were all or nothing; they couldn't have secrets between them, even if Matty was still downplaying one important detail which involved how deeply his love for George truly ran.

Matty was learning how to deal with this relationship as he went though, because it was one, labels or not. They were everything to each other, and that meant more than the term boyfriends ever would, and _really_ , George most likely knew exactly how Matty felt about him, and as long as he returned his affections, Matty was content with that.

 **_I'll take my chances on the curb here with you_ **  
**_We watched the planes leave us behind_ **  
**_On the curb here with you_ **  
**_We watched the planes leave us behind_ **

One moment stood out in Matty's mind that he wouldn't exactly call pinnacle, or even a revelation, but it had been an essential one for both him and George. Matty knew that the conversation they never had needed to at least be touched on, because as happy as he was with George, he wanted security, he ached to hear that George was his aloud at least once.

It had been not long after George had broken his shoulder, _fuck_ \- Matty would rather not recall that time either, because it had been absolute hell on him not having George by his side every second of every day.

This had been before that separation though during which George still traveled with them even if he couldn't play, and perhaps their discussion that day had helped Matty through George's absence more than he had realized until just now, once again proving that things were always working in their favor although it might not seem like it at the time, giving them both the reassurance and the strength to make it through what lay ahead.

"George," Matty spoke, falling into the habit of starting with his name when something was truly important to him, which was a nuance he had picked up from George over the years, tugging nervously on the sleeves of his black jumper while making sure to keep the lit end of his cigarette away from the dark fabric.

"Everything alright love?" George instantly looked up from his phone which he had been focused on, shifting his position on the concrete steps they had chosen as a seat while having a quick smoke before getting back on the bus.

Matty steeled himself for what was coming next, because he had to say this now before they went back home. It was easier here on the road with no one around them, with just George beside him like he always was, where he could pretend that they were truly alone even though their bandmates were only a few feet away and they could be interrupted at any moment.

And although George most likely already knew what Matty was about to admit, he felt suddenly heavy with the weight of it, and he needed to release it, he had to let George know before something happened, before they drifted apart while George stayed behind for the first time in both of their lives, before George found someone else which was always a secret fear that Matty carried within his heart no matter the fact that George never failed to return to Matty eventually.

"You know that I love you right - like properly, and that... _fuck_ , I don't know what I'm trying to say right now, but you're important to me, and I want - I don't know what I want actually, labels don't matter, but I just...I can't lose you."

 **_And then you put your hand in mine_ **  
**_And pulled me back from things divine_ **

And although George was the one who was hurt, he was able to sense that Matty needed comfort now more than ever, inspiring him to entwine their fingers together gently until Matty leaned his weight against his uninjured shoulder gratefully.

"I know babe, and you won't. If you haven't figured it out by now, I'm quite smitten with you too, and this thing, it's not just for fun, or convenience. You're mine alright. I might not go announcing it publicly, but I will if you want me to, I'd do anything for you Matty."

"I just want to be with you," Matty choked out, his eyes welling up with tears as George's words sunk in, because they didn't discuss things like this, they just _felt_ , they moved together, they kissed, and fucked, and loved each other without sitting down and talking about their feelings after because that was how they worked.

But Matty had needed this more than he knew, and even if they didn't discuss it ever again after this moment, that would be fine, because he finally had the confirmation that he had been craving for ages, making him feel a bit silly for not seeking it out sooner, because he should have learned by now that George would give Matty whatever he wanted if he only asked for it, but the slim chance of rejection had kept him paralyzed until just now.

"You are," George chuckled fondly, "you're _my_ Matty, you always have been, and that includes being my boyfriend or whatever the fuck you want to call it, but you're more than that to me, and that will never change."

**_Stop looking up for heaven, waiting to be buried_ **

They stopped seeing other people after that discussion, not that either of them had really bothered with hookups on that tour, but now no one else had any interest for either of them.

They were all the other needed, they probably always had been, but it was cemented now for the both of them. The fear Matty had been struggling with for years had dried up almost entirely by this point, because his desire for George was stronger than the negative side of his brain, and _really_ \- it was hard to maintain his worries when it was so blatantly obvious that George adored him once he opened up his eyes and stopped overanalyzing everything.

Matty's mind randomly jumped to the other night, to how George had kissed him like he had done a thousand times before, but it felt _different_ somehow, or maybe that had just been in Matty's head, because being with George was a new experience no matter how often it happened. It was like he would forget how perfectly they fit together, how good George's hands felt on his bare skin, how intense and mind shattering everything was until it was actually happening.

And when George had leaned down to kiss Matty slowly, his mouth stealing Matty's air and his sanity all at once, Matty had felt so treasured, so _loved_ that he felt the urge to sob for a brief moment, because this was his life now, George was his - _truly_ his even if no one else knew, and he was the only one that got to feel these sensations, he was the only one George kissed this way, and that meant more to Matty than he could ever properly express with words or lyrics.

 **_And all their words for glory_ **  
**_Well they always sounded empty_ **

Matty's entire life was punctuated with memories of George, because George had always been there with him for every important event, every discovery, every downfall and uplifting experience, every cry, every smile, Matty could go on for years if he let himself honestly.

George was his inspiration, his heartbeat, he flowed in his veins alongside the blood that was currently pumping through his body, he resided in his lungs which were still working steadily - _fuck_ , they might not have been functioning at all if it wasn't for George.

Matty knew they were truly separate entities, and one could exist without the other, but that wasn't right for either of them. They _needed_ each other, they worked better as Matty and George than they ever had alone. They were more than just boyfriends, or lovers, or whatever; they were each other's salvation, they were yin and yang, white and black, they were a thousand shitty analogies that Matty was getting a bit too tired to produce with any sense of originality, but he wasn't ready to sleep quite yet.

Matty's head continued to spin with out of context occasions, everything from that time in Paris where Matty had been so confused and so fucking in love but so unwilling to admit anything, to the shoot of the Love Me video when he'd shocked George by licking his foot, to when George had gone with him to adopt Allen even though he'd tried to talk Matty out of it for weeks before given the fact that he was never home, to the first show George had played with them after his shoulder had healed and how he couldn't stop smiling throughout the set, finally settling in the present, to George next to him oblivious and so fucking beautiful that Matty had once written a poem about it.

Matty could compose sagas involving George, he probably would if he had the time, but for now his songs served that purpose, because so many of them were about George, about secrets that only the two of them truly understood even though he shared them with the world every night.

 **_When we're looking up for heaven_ **  
**_Looking up for heaven_ **

George shifted in his sleep just then, a low grumble slipping past his parted lips that had Matty slowly emerging from his head, only to realize how late it had become while he was reminiscing over George.

Matty was finally feeling the urge to rest though, so he gently worked the duvet out from under his crossed legs, attempting and failing not to disturb George in the process who grunted again before opening his eyes blearily, a smile automatically overtaking his face when he spied Matty next to him.

"Couldn't sleep?" George asked quietly, opening his arms when Matty was situated, pulling him against his chest snuggly as Matty all but melted into his hold.

"Just having a think, bit knackered now though," Matty whispered, his lips grazing across George's collarbones as he spoke, releasing a soft shiver from the other man that tickled at his skin as well.

 **_And way down here upon the ground_ **  
**_When we're lying in the dirt_ **

"I love you," George murmured after a period of silence, the seemingly random statement emerging as anything but to Matty, because George knew him so well that he was sure that George somehow had an idea of what he had been mulling over, and that he could tell that Matty wanted to hear those words even though he no longer doubted them anymore.

Matty tilted his head up then, letting George see his eyes which were shining with adoration, and affection, and everything else he felt for George that he had been pondering all night. George stared back at Matty for what seemed like years before closing his eyes and pulling him close, kissing him tenderly in that way he had that always left Matty feeling like he mattered so much more to George than he ever would to anyone else.

 **_There's no looking up for heaven_ **  
**_Looking up for heaven_ **

When they pulled apart, Matty couldn't stop gazing up at George despite the slight crick in his neck and the heaviness pulling at his eyelids, because dreams held no appeal to him when he had George awake and petting at his hair softly, his lips grazing against Matty's forehead absentmindedly, leaving Matty flushed and content and _so fucking in love_.

"Get some rest angel," George grinned when he noticed that he wasn't dozing off, the term causing Matty to giggle softly since George was the true angel, not him.

George was his guiding light, his strength, his promise of something better that he was no longer reaching for since he had everything he could want right here, in fact, Matty was sure he could die happy at this moment without a single complaint.

Matty didn't believe in Heaven, or Hell for that matter; to him they were abstract concepts that humanity had fabricated to make themselves feel that they had a second chance at this life, but Matty didn't need one of those, _no_ \- this existence was enough for him, especially when all he had to do was look up to find his own personal brand of heaven in George.


End file.
